Chennai and the North-South divide

The first few days in Chennai very chaotic, to say the least. I could not understand what people here said, be it the autowallah or the humble employee in office. The first time I flagged down an auto and askedhim if he would go to Ambattur (an industrial estate in Chennai where my office is located) he just nodded his head sideways. I thought he didn’t want to so I walked away. He called out.
“What happened saar.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want to go.”
“No saar.”
“Okay, I’ll look for another auto.”
“No saar. I’ll go”
“OK. I thought you said no.”
“Yes saar.”
“So, will you take me there or not?”
He made an obscene gesture with his hand, which I guessed meant, “just sit in the freaking auto”.
And off we went.
A couple of days later, I reached office for the morning meeting. Finding nobody there I asked my boss’s secy if the meeting was on.
“You are coming for the meeting?”
Which meant that the meeting was on and I hadn’t missed it.
“Yes,” I said.
“Sorry, it’s not happening.”
“But you just said…” I realized that the present continuous tense would prove to be a continuous torture for me.
And another day. I walk into a conversation about booze. A nice bloke is telling the others: “We are looking for a liquor shop, no.”
That was interesting. Keep talking man.
“But we are not finding any place…”
Oh, it was something that happened in the past. In English, we would say something like: “We were looking for a liquor shop but did not find any…”
But then this is Chennai.

In Chennai, they can’t be fair
Autowallahs are complete louts. But in Chennai, the word lout takes on a completely different meaning. The moment the guy realizes you are from up north, he’ll start asking for Rs 10 extra for every turn of the wheel.
Like the other day when I went house-hunting in Anna Nagar, a posh colony closest to my office. I told the auto guy I had to go the Reliance Fresh outlet in Anna Nagar. The house I was to see was a few steps ahead. He asked for Rs 40 for a distance of 4 km from where I flagged him down, but I agreed. When he reached the Reliance Fresh outlet, I asked him to go a bit further down the road – just 20 paces, to be precise. Pat, he asked for Rs 50 when I got down.
“Rs 10 extra saar. You say Reliance Fresh. I am coming forward.”
“Then go backward. You have fleeced me enough already. I will not pay you a single penny more.”
He made that obsene gesture and drove off.
Later in office, a colleague who had seen similar gestures, asked a local man what it meant. The gesture was a combination of what you do when hitching a ride and when you want to tell somebody to jerk off. The Local Man told us that it meant what we thought it did – jerk off. But then he clarified. If somebody does it once, it means “What?”
But when they repeat the gesture several times?
It means “What the fuck,” the Local Man said.